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Helping Those We Love - Part 1 of 3
November 28, 2017
The Kid isn’t really a Kid anymore. He’s over 30. How many of us know where this is headed? Have this in our own lives, or have clients or friends living with this weight on their shoulders?
The Kid in my story is real. He’s a smart, good-looking, boy, who had everything going for him. (He still does.) He wasn’t ready for college. Something went “wrong”. He partied too much, flamed out of a couple colleges, worked at basic jobs, and watched more than a decade slip away.
None of that matters.
Reason to be Excited
The Kid can change his life, right now. I haven’t even met him, and I believe strongly in his possibilities. I have seen the change up close, real life, enough times to know. This is a time to be excited.
The people I meet are already successful. Yet, they are looking for their next success. Something even better. A more rewarding career, business transition, less stress, more fun, whatever it is. That that next success almost always includes happy, prosperous, and fulfilled children.
This is one of the most powerful blogs I’ve ever written. I feel it because it can touch so many. This is the story. The coaching. The hope, and the possibility. This story is not from his and his Parents’ beginning. Most of that is irrelevant. This is from the beginning! This is happening right now.
A good family - Financially successful, 30- year marriage, good home, good schools, close relationships, all the right pieces in place. Nothing broken.
A loving father - Not unlike a lot of us. He loves his children and his wife. He has done everything he knows to be a good father and provider. The Kid has been a challenge. Dad went through a period of the thoughts and emotions we might expect. Anger, expectations failed, judging, all the rest. Why doesn’t the Kid just stand up and get a job? Why can’t he move himself forward? Over the years, his emotions have mellowed. He just wants the Kid to get himself fixed.
Loving mother - Whereas Dad has carried the frustration and “just snap out of it and get a job” belief set, Mom’s experience has been a little different. Mom is “the Mom”. Hers is more hurt. He is her baby. She wants more than anything for him to succeed in his life. She would do anything to help him get better.
The Kid - I have a good sense for him, from his parents and having seen many in similar circumstances. He is lost. He has no confidence. He has no sense of where he wants to go. Everything about him, within him, and around him, tells him he is a loser. He is a failure. I say none of that as a criticism. I’m describing what he may be feeling inside. I have no judgments at all.
It starts with the parents – They are who I spent a few hours with last weekend. This is the point of entry. This is also the first and critically important point of impact. So, let’s start with coaching for the parents relative to the Kid.
Mom and Dad are full of negative beliefs, worries, thoughts, and emotions around their son. Of course, they are. They haven’t done anything wrong. They aren’t wrong. There is no wrong. All I care about is how to equip them best to be a positive force for the Kid.
And, for themselves. You see, being the best for their son and for themselves are one and the same.
Mom and Dad are doing the very best they know how, every day. They struggle with how to help their son. They try to be positive. They are exactly where about 99.9% of the parents in their situation wind up.
Point #1 - My reaction to the problem is the problem. This concept is profoundly life-changing. In my experience, people get the idea. They relate. They see how this can bring them peace and much more. How to put it into practice? That takes a little more.
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